oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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