I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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