Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
