You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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