I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
