I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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