Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize