the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
