i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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