Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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