We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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