i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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