Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize