She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
