i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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