Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
