I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
