I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
