then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
