My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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