That's intense
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
