Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just fell off a train. Bad.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I can't turn off my feet"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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