I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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