My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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