My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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