I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
