K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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