a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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