I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
