Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
