Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I am mentally ready for anal.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
