They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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