I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
