call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
