he told me I talked like a deaf person
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
there is puke in my bra ... again
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