i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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