I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
