There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
you never un-have a 4some
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
