Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
