What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
