Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize