My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
