just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
