Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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