based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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