So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
