used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
