she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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