dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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