When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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