I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
