Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
