She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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