Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Sext me about skeletons
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