I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize