And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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