Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
