I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
