YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
