And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I love you. Go after that dick
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