Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
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