I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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