Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize