yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
