Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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