I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I didn't notice because vodka
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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