census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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