I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
