I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
