The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
