its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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