I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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