'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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