how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Its about making memories worth repressing
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize