ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
