I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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