Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
