i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
