Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
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