ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
