Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
