Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
