I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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