Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
