I need help removing her.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
