I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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