She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
