I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
