Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
