3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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