hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
