I cockslap morals
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
