I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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