This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We have so much sex to catch up on
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
