I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
