So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Randomize
