i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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