last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
