Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
