Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Come see our sink grown plant.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
