It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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